By Auli Ofstad 
Understanding the Struggle
Many bisexual individuals face the challenge of finding comfort in relationships with men after experiencing trauma. For some, women represent beauty and warmth, while men can invoke fear due to past negative experiences. A personal journey through therapy can help in regaining the desire to connect with men, despite concerns about their often more direct approach in expressing sexual interest. The question remains: how to navigate this landscape and find comfort with men once again?
The Path to Healing
First and foremost, It’s important to acknowledge the progress made by seeking therapy to address past trauma. The journey towards healing and openness to intimacy is a courageous one. While men may traditionally be seen as more sexually aggressive, it’s crucial to find a way to engage with them that feels safe and comfortable.
Rethinking Social Settings
While gay bars are popular social spots, they might not be the ideal starting place for everyone, especially those still healing from trauma. The environment can often be intense, with many individuals under the influence, leading to more assertive interactions. Instead, consider using dating apps like Grindr to facilitate a more controlled and comfortable interaction.
Utilizing Dating Apps
Dating apps can offer a unique opportunity to communicate boundaries clearly and find partners who respect them. For instance, on Grindr, you can specify in your profile that you prefer to take things slowly and are looking for more than just a quick hookup. By doing so, you can connect with individuals who share your approach to dating and intimacy.
Setting Boundaries and Communicating Clearly
When interacting on apps, reiterate your boundaries in conversations. For example, Express that you’re interested in intimacy but prefer to establish comfort first. Suggest meeting for coffee or having a quick FaceTime chat before progressing to more physical encounters. This helps filter out those who are only seeking immediate gratification and aren’t respectful of your pace.
Finding the Right Match
Not everyone will be interested in taking things slowly, and that’s okay. The goal is to find those who are willing to respect your boundaries and make you feel at ease. There are plenty of men on these platforms who are looking for similar connections and are not comfortable with the aggressive dynamics often found in bars. Start your search online for companions who align with your comfort level.
Good luck, and remember, there are supportive communities and platforms like Watervoice that offer additional resources and support for navigating these experiences.