By Auli Ofstad 
The lights are dim, the room is silent, and you’re on the brink of sleep-until the familiar rustling begins. A gentle pull, then another, and suddenly your partner has taken control of the blanket. The nightly tug-of-war ensues, leaving you either too hot or too cold, and certainly too awake.
For many couples, these minor irritations accumulate into a major issue. However, a long-established Nordic tradition might offer a solution. Known as the Scandinavian Sleep Method, it could potentially save both your sleep and your relationship.
The Scandinavian Sleep Method is a co-sleeping arrangement where each individual uses their own duvet or comforter while sharing the same bed. This practice, common in Denmark, Norway, and Sweden, embraces Nordic values of autonomy and balance. It allows both partners to tailor their sleep environment, ensuring deeper rest and fewer nocturnal disturbances.
Although it may seem less romantic than sharing a single blanket, honoring individual sleep needs can actually enhance intimacy, says Roni Beth Tower, PhD, a psychotherapist and retired psychology professor. Poor sleep can disrupt emotional regulation, causing irritability and conflict-two intimacy barriers. Allowing each other to sleep comfortably can foster a sense of closeness and connection, Tower explains.
Studies show that couples often believe they sleep better together, despite objective measures indicating otherwise. Nonetheless, sharing a bed can improve REM sleep, which is crucial for mood and memory, and can create a sense of closeness, as noted by Deirdre Conroy, PhD, a board-certified behavioral sleep medicine specialist.
However, if one partner snores, tosses, or overheats, the opposite effect occurs. Nearly a third of US adults have resorted to sleeping separately, or a “sleep divorce,” according to the American Academy of Sleep Medicine. “You spend a third of your life in bed,” says Shea Soucie, principal of Soucie Horner Design Collective. “Your sleep setup is about comfort, not your relationship.”
Sleeping apart doesn’t necessarily signal a dwindling relationship. “People often think it means something is wrong, but that’s not necessarily the case,” says Tina Sundelin, PhD, Assistant Professor at Stockholm University.
For those reluctant to sleep apart, the Scandinavian Sleep Method offers a popular alternative. It allows couples to customize their sleep without losing physical closeness. This is important because “touch is a fundamental human need,” Tower states. “When partners feel supported and cared for, trust and intimacy naturally flourish.”
A significant advantage of this method is climate management. “Temperature preferences are highly personal,” Conroy notes. “For instance, women experiencing menopausal hot flashes might prefer a cooler duvet.” This approach lets each person meet their own sleep temperature needs.
When addressing sleep differences, communication and timing are crucial. “Conversations are more productive when both partners are well-rested and in a good mood,” says Susan Heitler, PhD. Avoid discussing sleep arrangements when frustrated in the middle of the night or after a restless sleep. “Just as plants thrive in sunlight, relationships thrive on positivity,” Heitler adds. “Feeling well-rested enhances positivity.”
During these conversations, each partner should express their concerns clearly. For instance, one might be disturbed by a restless partner, while the other finds close contact relaxing. Collaborate on solutions together. “Contribute to the plan rather than dictating your partner’s actions,” Heitler advises.
Ultimately, The ideal sleep setup is the one that ensures both partners are well-rested. The Scandinavian Sleep Method is not only endorsed by experts but also gaining popularity among couples.
For Haley, 32, this method has significantly reduced nocturnal disturbances. “I used to wake up cold because my husband pulled all the covers. Now I only wake up if I toss during sleep,” she says. “We don’t feel resentment towards each other for disturbing sleep.”
Another woman appreciates the customizable temperature control. “I tend to overheat, so sharing a duvet with my husband, who feels like a furnace, was challenging. The Scandinavian Sleep Method allows us to cool off and choose our own covers,” says Jen*, 37. “He prefers a heavier duvet, while I like a lighter coverlet.”
And for Sarah, 29, and her husband, this method transformed their marriage. “We both sleep better and argue less-about covers or in general,” she shares. “I wish we had tried it sooner.”
Ready to give it a try? All you need is one fitted sheet and two duvets. Choose fabrics that suit your sleep style: breathable cotton or linen for hot sleepers, heavier weaves for those who get cold. “More expensive sheets aren’t necessarily better,” Soucie notes, suggesting pillows that match your sleep position.
For a cohesive look, consider color selection. “Couples should choose the same color or complementary shades,” advises Clara Jung of Banner Day Interiors. If worried about a too-matching look, select different hues within a color family for depth. A patterned fitted sheet adds interest when the bed is made.
For indecisive couples, white bedding with colorful accents is a timeless choice. “A beautifully-made bed that’s quiet and clean is peaceful,” Soucie says.
If two duvets appear messy, layer a light coverlet on top for a tidy finish. Keep styling minimal with no more than two throw pillows, and embrace the relaxed “Scandinavian Tuck,” where duvets are loosely draped for a cozy look. To achieve the signature Scandi puffiness, fold the duvet sides slightly.
The proof is under the covers: separate duvets don’t create distance-they provide space for better sleep and a stronger relationship. For more insights on personalizing your sleep experience, explore this comprehensive guide.